young gifted and black

this is Rose. I met her some months ago. I was on a job shooting in south central. on location for 3 days.
our courtship was simple.
day 1- she wants nothing to do with me.
day 2- I wise up/ I bring dog candies and toys. she’s smitten.
day 3- best friends. lovers even.
I convince Brett, my partner, to let me bring her home. I tell him i just want to help her but I secretly want us to keep her. we already have a dog, Janet, she’s amazing.
Friday. I take Rose to the vet I get her checked out/ she goes to a groomer, she gets all cleaned up.
I am in Love. Janet is not.
Saturday. Brett gets bitten. I get cut. It’s stressful. they want to murder one another. I try finding her a home. people make offers/ no one follows through.
Sunday. on a walk in our neighborhood, we 4 walk into a local shop. it’s a pet store/ day care/ rescue lodge.
we inquire about how one goes about finding a home for a dog. I’m hysterical. I love ROSE so much.
I am more connected to her than i am to most people.
the shop owner offers to take Rose in and find her a home. she says I can come by and take her on walks and that I am welcome to check in as much as I want.
and so we leave her there. I don’t feel good about it but I think its better than the streets. And better than my home where my dog wants her dead.
Monday. around 6pm I’m doing laundry. I open the front door and little Rose is at it wagging her tail. its a if she’s saying “you forgot me back there”. I immediately rush her to the shop. they apologized profusely. she’d gotten away from an attendant and when he went for her she’d bitten him. so I left her again.
some days later I called and asked about her progress. the shop owner asked me to not come back. she thought it might be very confusing for Rose and that it would be best that I stay away. I respected her wishes and thought she might be right.
so I would check their site periodically and send messages asking about her status.
2 nights ago I went on their site and i didn’t see her picture up. i knew something was wrong.
Brett says “I bet she got adopted”.
I called immediately and I was rushed off the phone and told that I’d be called back later.
no one calls back.
Brett calls yesterday. about 6 weeks ago there was a massive pool of blood in Roses stool.
she was taken into a vet and later a specialist and was diagnosed with intestinal cancer. it was inoperable and pretty far along.
she was put down 10 days ago and I never got to say goodbye.
I broke my promise to her. I never found her a home and I didn’t make things better like I said I would.

I do wish that I could have seen her just once more.

Katherine Waterston+Brett Gelman having a laugh on the set of my new short film EAT.

fotos robyn von swank
top brett gelman+me
bottom sam jacober, me +jackie clark